I am 25 and have a problem. Sex has always been really painful for me.

I don¡¯t know why. I try to enjoy it but I find it really hard to relax.

My problem has ruined relationships in the past but now I¡¯ve met a really nice guy and I don¡¯t want to lose him.

He¡¯s being really supportive and says sex doesn¡¯t matter that much to him but he¡¯s a man and I know he won¡¯t wait forever.

My parents were always very strict about boys when I was growing up and my mum told me that sex is always painful for her too.

Could this be why I have a problem?

Can a sexual problem be passed down through the family?

Dear reader,

It¡¯s unlikely your problem is hereditary but some of your mum¡¯s issues could have had a big effect on you when growing up.

Growing adults pick up ideas about sex from their parents.

If your mum always experienced sex as painful then the message that sex equals pain could have been transmitted to you.

She may not have been able to get help for her problems so perhaps there was an attitude that nothing could be done. But this isn¡¯t the case.

There are many causes of painful sex and it¡¯s important you get a check-up with your GP or a sexual health clinic to exclude any infections or physical problems.

Ask about psychosexual treatments. Exploring your thoughts about sex with a counsellor may help you discover what is stopping you relax in bed.

A therapist can teach you exercises to re-train your body to relax and enjoy sexual stimulation.

There are many ways you and your boyfriend can get intimate and all couples find a unique mix of sexual practices they enjoy. Get help with the pains then build a satisfying sex life together.